Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
