Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
