I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
