And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
