Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
