we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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