If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
