i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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