If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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