I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
