I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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