Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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