Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
