I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
