Do you still have your period?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
