The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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