is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im calling her cock vulture from now on
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
