it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
