It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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