He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
