you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
