god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize