I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
how does that bad decision feel?
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