She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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