I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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