i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
