My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
