i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
