marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
