mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
