i permit you to call me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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