hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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