he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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