Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
