oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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