The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.