I will die if light touches me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.