I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Enjoy the penises
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"