I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants