You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...