Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
