Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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