I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
