I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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