i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
