I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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