8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
4 words: hood of his car
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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