Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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