Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
