ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
