I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
