Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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