The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
