This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize