oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
