she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
