Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
