What did we do last night that was yellow?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
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I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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