Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
