Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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