Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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