Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
