I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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