we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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