I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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